Loyalty

Wow, someone just told me that they thought I was loyal. That was kind of hard to hear, because I feel like I am way too loyal sometimes. At least I am loyal to people, but what about to ideas and causes? I think I have put behind some of my loyalties to causes lately. I have found that some things/ideas that I have been loyal to for so long have become tainted. Now I am not so sure I want to be loyal anymore.

I have suddenly found some rebelliousness in me, which I actually think it is a healthy thing, because it will help me search and find the truth. Not percieved truth, which I have believed in for so long, but real truth.
What truth am I looking for? Well, the role of church in a person's life; what Christ centered relationships should look like; what is important in a body of Christ; what does God want church to look like; if every body of Christ is prone to fall and be ugly, why be a part of one. Now I have to say, that last one, I have come full circle on. I cant avoid things just because there is potential to be ugly and false. What I have learned is that whatever church I go to, I really want to know the leadership and understand how they work, what they want to accomplish, why, how are they going to get there and most importantly, the system of checks and balances and how that works. Knowing that they system could fail, because we are all, especially me, completely capable to botch the whole thing up.