When I dont desire God

I was at the book store the other day and I found a book with a perfect title for me. When I Dont Desire God, by John Piper. I picked it up immediately because I have found myself struggling with this for a while now. I had my days with the "new Christian" excitement about everything God, but I have lost that and have even found times when I dont have any desire to worship. Or maybe I just get confused by those that do worship. I found this book and bought it before I went to Banyan on Sunday night. At Banyan during worship, I wanted more than anything to leave and go home and cry before my God. But I stayed. After Banyan I went home and watched TV. I didnt deal with what God wanted me to. I fell asleep around midnight. At 1:20AM I woke up, wide awake. I stayed that way until 3:30AM. Then I woke up at 4:30AM, wide awake. By this time I got the hint, God saying "SPEND TIME WITH ME!"

Someone told me years ago that if they ever woke up during the night, they took it as God saying, spend time with me.

I spent time with God. I read more of the book I bought. Also, I am reading through the Bible. I started to skip Leviticus, but I am now reading it. It is real heady, but it is also really interesting. It is more amazing to me that we dont have to do all those sacrifices and follow all those clean and unclean rules anymore. I am extremely thankful for that.

So at 5AM on Monday morning, I was reminded again that God MUST come first in my life. Even before sleep.