Dangerous Belief

Karaoke and snack time

2008-04-01T15:20:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine used to do women's ministry at a church I was a part of. She told me once that she had met a lady after church one day who was visiting. My friend asked her what she thought about the service. The lady said, I loved the Karaoke and the snack time...

In Christian language... worship and communion. Ha ha.

Dan Allendar and Delighting

2008-03-31T10:04:00.002-04:00

I went to the Dan Allendar conference a few weekends ago. He talked about many things, but one thing that stuck with me was about learning to delight in God on the Sabbath. He talked about doing things that bring you delight and help you want to praise God.

So yesterday, I ended up delighting in God in a way I did not expect. My church meets at 5:30PM so I usually take my Sunday mornings to sleep in, truly enjoy a cup of coffee, read, and look out the window. Yesterday, I decided to head over to Forest Park for a walk. It was a dreary day yesterday, no sun, damp air, and general wetness. There were few people there and it was still. I walked around the art hill area and the pond. What I did not expect was what I would get to delight in...

Ducks! Yes, there were tons of ducks and they were so beautiful to see. They were having a blast! They were also arguing a lot. It seemed like there was a lot of courting going on. There were trios and pairs of ducks everywhere. One particular trio was fun to watch. 2 boys and a girl. One of the boys kept trying to get closer to the girl and the other boy would get in the way. At times they would take off and fly all around the girl in the lead, desperately trying to get away from the unfavored boy.

At another point of my time there, a couple Canadian geese started arguing about something and making a HUGE racket. It was quite amazing. The pool at the bottom of art hill is somewhat closed in so large noises can echo a little. The honks of the geese filled the air. Suddenly they took off, one pursuing the other, honking all the way.

It was fun to be surprised by nature and get to delight in it.

2008-03-07T12:46:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine sent this devotion from Henry Nouwen to me recently. She sent it to encourage me in my search to find deep and meaningful relationships in St. Louis. Enjoy.

'Creating Space to Dance Together' by Henry Nouwen
When we feel lonely we keep looking for a person who can take our loneliness away. Our lonely hearts cry out, 'Please hold me, touch me, speak to me, pay attention to me.' But soon we discover that the person we expect to take our loneliness way cannot give us what we ask for. Often that person feels oppressed by our demands and runs away, leaving us in despair. As long as we approach another person from our loneliness no mature human relationship can develop. Clinging to one another in loneliness is suffocating and eventually becomes destructive. For love to be possible we need the courage to create space between us and trust that this space allows us to dance together.

hmm

2008-03-06T17:05:00.001-05:00

I feel like my general theme for my blog is... "it has been so long that I have been on here..." Ha! Oh well. Its true!

Smallest country... for sale!!

2007-10-08T17:52:00.000-04:00

I heard about this about 8 months ago, and I had not checked on the status of the Principality of Sealand. This little country is for sale!! Take a look at the news www.sealandnews.com/ and consider making a purchase!! You could own your own country! Wow!

Do take a look at the history of Sealand. It is quite interesting. Also, keep an eye out for a movie about it. Sometime around 2008.

Like refreshing water

2007-10-05T11:56:00.001-04:00

Who knew it? I mean, I certainly did not! Who knew that someone expressing non-fundamental, non-judgemental, non-exclusive THEOLOGY would give me the sense of laying in a stream of cool, flowing water.

Growing up in a church filled with the TR, spending more time talking about the Westminster Confessions and Calvin than the Bible, I had come to think that discussing theological beliefs was a big waste of time. All it does is divide people more, right? Hearing Reformed and Fundamentalist believers making exclusive statements about their theological beliefs, makes me want to run out of the room screaming. (And in reality, judge on them back.)

In our first class we discussed Postmodernism and Younger Evangelicals. Ughhhh... I was wondering, will I have to drop out of seminary? What if he says, "Postmoderns are evil, are sinful, are just plain wrong." (Language I had heard in order to exclude others.) If our teacher had said that, I was certainly going to pack my bags and leave. Instead, he talked about the good of this emerging generation (those growing up under Postmodernism) (i.e. Me!) ~ the desire for the emerging generation to LIVE OUT their beliefs, not to just speak them, as well as other things. More specifically, he talked about the Younger Evangelicals wanting to "release the historic faith from its captivity in the Enlightenment."

Robert Webber says in his book, The Youger Evangelicals:

"My head became filled with arguments, proof-texts, distinctions, and a kind of intellectual arrogance. In the meantime, God became an object; faith became a system; and my heart grew cold. My commitment to faith as intellectually verifiable did not strengthen my resolve to live in the pattern of Jesus' death and resurrection."

Yes!!! I completely agree.

As we talked about in the class God and His Word, all that really matters, the only hill I am really willing to die on, is Salvation. 5 points and other theological points are interesting to think about, but really, God is not going to ask me, "So Joanna, are you a 5 point or not?" He is going to ask me who my Savior is. Is my Savior my theological beliefs or is it Jesus. Do I serve my system of beliefs, or do I serve my Savior?

So here I am, sitting in a Theology class at a Reformed Seminary hearing non-exlusive language. I no longer have to feel GUILTY for not caring about the 5 points. Because... I dont care. Where I want to care more is, am I loving my God, myself, my neighbor. Am I glorifying God in what I do? Am I becoming more like Christ every day? Am I an Image Bearer?

Wow, I feel free from a system of guilt that has lost its grip on me. I could cry with joy!

P.S. God, make me non-judmental towards those that value understanding the 5 points.

2007-09-20T13:04:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to get people to comment on my blog, I thought we could have a forum on (drum roll please), our favorite pirate sayings. This is also an attempt to honor International Talk Like a Pirate Day, since most of us could not observe it. Here are a few of my favorites:

"Aye, sea turtles." - Pirate of the Caribean
"Piratey things" - Larry the Cucumber

On top of that... Veggie Tales is putting out a movie: The Pirates who dont do anything!!

Arrrgh!!

2007-09-19T15:24:00.000-04:00

Aye Mateys, its international talk like a pirate day. So be usin them words ye be hidin in them noggins. http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

Be checkin thee website for how ye be talkin in piratey talk in Mandarin Chinese! AAARGH!

This car reminds me... Family?

2007-09-18T16:51:00.000-04:00

Tell me what you think of this car. "The Grocery Getter"

Reminds me of the "Mean Green Shuttle Machine" Why didnt we ever paint that on our car?

Take a look at this park

2007-09-17T11:00:00.000-04:00

Hey all I found this park yesterday. I was driving around exploring. And found it. All with a lake, a trail, which I will explore another day, fishing, and just a pretty view. In one of the pictures, you can see some people rowing!! But they are way off in the distance. www.co.st-louis.mo.us/parks/creve.html Here is the link.

Differences #2

2007-09-13T15:10:00.000-04:00

Here is another interesting difference that I realized today.

Imagine this:
St Lou Native #1 - Hi are you from St Lou?
St Lou Native #2 - Yes, are you?
#1 - Yes... Where did you go to high school?
#1 - (to non-native listening in) See, here in St Lou, everyone asks where you went to high school first thing. Its just what we do here.
Non-Native - Oh

Of course, native Charlotteans ask the same thing, but for some reason, I have never explained to a non-native Charlottean that "we ask where you went to high school, its just what we do here."

So... not sure why the natives feel the need to explain that to me all the time... like its something weird they do. Seems normal to me, but then again, I am not from around here.

Church Search 1

2007-09-10T16:53:00.001-04:00

I thought I might get to see a friend from home in town this Sunday morning, so I "skipped" church Sunday morning. I didnt get to see her though...

Sunday night I went to a church called The Journey (www.journeyon.net). I had visited it once before, at another location, but I wanted to go to the evening service. For those of you related to Banyan... it reminded me of home. Not sure that I will plant my roots there for a few years, but I am going to enjoy going in the evenings while I search some more.

Differences

2007-09-05T13:09:00.000-04:00

There seem to be many differences between the midwest and Charlotte. Here is a beginning list. Feel free to comment if you know of any others.

1. Merging - Midwest: Everyman for himself. Charlotte: Let me slow down all the traffic behind me to let you in.
2. Driving - Midwest: everyone drives in the right lane, except to pass. Charlotte: everyone drives in the left lane, except to pass.
3. Speeding - Midwest: no one speeds very often. Charlotte: everyone speeds.
4. Pleases and thank yous - Midwest: bring the response "huh?" Charlotte: they are expected!
5. Appearance - Midwest: very laid back Charlotte: very "together"
6. Sweet Tea - Midwest: a coming phenomena Charlotte: a drug of choice

So this is only after 2 weeks of time here. I am sure this list will grow.

A trip to the zoo

2007-09-04T10:26:00.000-04:00

I went to the zoo again! Its free!!! I think that the polar bear is my favorite. She loves to swim in her pool. I saw the sea lion show, which was quite entertaining. The middle guy in the picture above weighed 600lbs!! They did some pretty cool tricks. The panther here was hacking up a hair ball. Yuk!!

"I'm okay with that"

2007-09-03T17:38:00.000-04:00

So are you ok with that? I mean, everything? Are you truly OK?

I just over heard a converasation at Starbucks. So funny I stopped reading my counseling books. Here are some of the comments I wrote down. It was one guy talking loudly for all to hear to a couple.

- "I am a jerk and self-centered most of the time. And I am ok with that."
- "99% of people may disagree with me. And I am ok with that."
- "I hear you and I hope you hear me. But I dont want to talk about it."

Wow! I have never met or heard anyone who was okay with 99% rejection. I wanted to ask him if he would be "ok with it" if 100% of people disagreed with him. I am also wondering if he was a jerk and self-centered all the time, if he would be "okay with that" too!

My first class

2007-02-09T12:26:00.000-05:00

I went to my first class last night... creative writing that is. Well.... we did a free write on the word bottle. My free write was... well... dumb. Seriously. I am not putting myself down or anything. It just was. The first thing that popped in my head was bear bottle, but i didnt want everyone to think i drank (of course most people wrote about alcohol.) So then next was baby bottle. I think I wrote a great book last night for a baby! It was really dumb, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I didnt know that I was supposed to start a real story. Really had no idea!!

So now I am supposed to do a free write on a childhood memory. Which one do I choose?

Soul Survivor

2007-02-01T19:01:00.000-05:00

I am reading Soul Survivor by Yancey. Great book. He is a church survivor like me. He covers people that helped him survive, those he read or reflected on and those directly involved in his life. One thing he said has resonated with me,
" If I had to define my own theme, it would be that of a person who absorbed some of the worst the church has to offer, yet still landed in the loving arms of God."
It took Yancey a while to reach the point of landing. At this point I only hope I will land. I believe I will, and I have people around me trying to help me land.

After a while...

2007-02-01T18:50:00.000-05:00

Much has changed since I was last on here, but if you are reading this and you know me, then I certainly dont need to fill you in.

I am back on here because I have so much to say and no where to really think it out.

So please bear with my thoughts...

Foot in mouth disease

2006-03-08T11:23:00.000-05:00

i think we all have this one. right?! not that i have it at the moment, but maybe i want to have it? maybe i want to say things, but know that i cant say them? being caught between differing options/opinions/beliefs/strategies is so frustrating. knowing that i have something to finish but at the same time seeing my heart being twisted, and wanting so badly to get foot in mouth disease so that i can just have the pain relieved, i think would be nice. but i know this is wrong. i know that i cant. i have to wait. a little while longer...

God please help me through this

Serenity Now!!!

2006-01-10T09:36:00.000-05:00

Probably my most favorite Seinfeld is the one where George's dad gets these tapes that are supposed to help him "calm down." The tapes tell him that when he starts to get agitated that he should say to himself calmly, "serenity now, serenity now." Of course George's dad doesnt do that. He just yells it at the top of his lungs, as usual. "SERENITY NOW, SERENITY NOW!!!"

I am taking care of a cat and house this year for a family I know that are out of town. When they come back in town though, I have to move out. Well, on Saturday I moved back in to this house. And I moved back in to a cat that is spraying every where. SERENITY NOW! Last night I went to the vet and got some "calming, soothing spray" to spray in the places that the cat is peeing. SERENITY NOW! I also had to get some special cleaner to clean up where the cat has sprayed. SERENITY NOW! And I got a new litter box. Just to see...

After cleaning, and spraying calming, soothing spray and putting out a new litter box, which took about 2 hours last night, the house stank. SERENITY NOW! I decided to open up some windows to get fresh air into the house, not realizing that this would make the cat go more crazy, with new smells to consider. I then closed the windows and sat down to try to enjoy a movie. What does the cat do next? Pee some more! SERENITY NOW, SERENITY NOW, SERENITY NOW!

He didnt pee in the spots I sprayed the calming, soothing spray. He picked new spots. I guess the calming, soothing spray works for the cat, but I think that it has the opposite effect on me.

SERENITY NOW!

2006-01-02T15:05:00.000-05:00

I realize this has become more of a once a month blog. One day it will become more... I hope.

So I was thinking about Christmas lately, not really sure why. Anyway, I was thinking about the things that I love about Christmas the most. One thing I like is going out after Christmas morning and seeing kids riding new bikes or schooters, or people wearing new clothes. I still cant sleep the night before Christmas. I dont know why except that I do love presents. They are so much fun to give and so much fun to get. Especially if you can find that one gift that some one wanted but didnt realize they did. That is always a lot of fun. I love gift giving that way. Getting some one a CD or movie or book they want is fine, but it is so much more fun to get a surprise for someone.

So I am working on seminary applications and I just got really nervous. I suddenly feel like I am not ready for this. I am, but it is so scary. Going in a new direction is always scary.

Words said

2005-12-14T14:37:00.000-05:00

I am constantly reminded how powerful words are. Words can be used to build people up and they can be used to destroy. They can be used to encourage. To express emotions. To turn people away. To show appreciation. To love. To hate. To have fun. To help some one out.

Words are powerful. So powerful. Oh that I would remember this every time before I open my mouth. So much heart ache, thought, and even time would be saved.

On the other hand, sometimes messing up teaches lessons that would never be learned any other way.

20 minutes with a high schooler from China

2005-10-24T14:43:00.000-04:00

So I got to spend 20 minutes with a student who is an exchange student from China. He became a Christian last year when he was visiting here. He desires very strongly to be a preacher one day and save his nation. He told me that he recently had an opportunity to talk to his peers at school in chapel and ask them, why do you take your walks with God for granted? Why dont you worship God? Why dont you read the Bible? How can you follow God if you dont read the Bible. He told me how he emailed with friends back home about becoming Christians. He told me that he would try to talk them out of it! Kind of interesting right? Well his point was that he wanted them to understand what they were getting themselves into. He has big plans for his future, but has also told God that he is a willing vessel.

What a cool 20 minutes to have a little God passion pushed into my veins.

Interesting thing is, he was picked by the students as homecoming king this year. Pretty cool, huh?!

Tough Question

2005-09-13T13:26:00.000-04:00

I read a book recently that I highly suggest. The book is The Story of My Life, An Afghan Girl on the Other Side of the Sky. The girl who wrote this book is 18 years old and is a refuge here in America with her mom.
After losing her leg, losing most of her family, and living as a refuge and slave in Pakistan, the girl reaches a moment where she is at the end of herself. This is what she prays to God: "Enough. Oh, my dear God. Get me out of this. God-darling, forgive me. I cant hold up all this weight by myself anymore. Please! I'll hold up most of it, but you hold some of it. Whatever I've done wrong in the past, I cant change that now. Between you and me, let's say that what's done is done. All I can do now about the past is ask you to forgive me. I plead with you. All I can do is promise to be good, to remember you from now on always. I relinquish all of myself to you -- no more resistance. Oh, please, God, help me. I cant hold up this weight anymore."
Then she speaks of "feeling" different. She starts to pray all the Muslim prayers, but she also comes to God and talks to him as a child and cries out to him.

Ok, the question is, is this girl a child of God? Is she "saved."

It has been...

2005-08-24T12:58:00.000-04:00

So long! I know! I have been running on full blast here at work, and i feel like i never get time. So i moved this weekend into a house, at which i am house sitting for the next year and paying almost nothing to do it. Very exciting! The cat is interesting. That is that cat that comes with the house that I am staying at. The cat's name is silverbell and we are slowly getting to know each other. It eats nasty smelling canned food for its meals. yuk! I feel like i smell like it when i leave the house every day. Maybe i do!

The house also has a security system in it. Which is nice for the security of it. I turn it on at night when i go to bed. Yesterday i forgot to turn it off, so when i went down stairs, it went off. I thought all the hair on my body would fall off i was so scared. I am sure i woke up the whole neightborhood with that ridiculous alarm. Yikes!

My new group of friends

2005-07-02T10:45:00.000-04:00

I am sitting this morning at Panera, using the internet on my laptop. For the first time, I realize that I have a whole new group of friends! People who use the computer at Panera. A guy walked in with his computer bag, looking for an outlet to use. I pointed one out to him, which turned into a 5 minute conversation about using the internet at Panera. Quite intersting. Ha ha. There is also the guy with a computer, who keeps walking by my table. Not really sure why.

In other news, I should hear today, I hope, as to wether I got into seminary or not. Oh, I really hope I do!

A Stupid Movie

2005-06-30T21:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, so if you are planning to see the movie War of the Worlds dont read this, unless you dont care what i say. I did scream my way through the whole movie, until the end, when I busted out laughing!! It was definately an entertaining movie, so I believe it was worth the 8.50 for that reason alone.

In reflection after the movie, I realized how ridiculous it was.

I hate movies where people leave behind common sense and make stupid decisions. (I know this is all for entertainment, but really!) I can't remember how many times in the movie I yelled at the screen because the characters leave all common sense behind and head towards the obvious danger. Or maybe they jump on a ferry, thinking, "Hey, this ferry will of course move fast enough away from the lazer shooting aliens for me to get away!!" Really. Of course once the aliens dump everyone into the water, somehow, the dad, the little girl and teenage son, all seem to swim fast enough to get away... unlike everyone else. I didnt know little girls could swim so fast! Then there was the half hour sequence that reminded me a whole lot of Signs. Hum.
At one point in the movie, the son heads over a hill to watch the aliens and the army fight. After he goes over the crest of the hill there is a huge explosion... because the aliens destroy the army. You dont see the son again... until the end of the movie, where he shows up alive. And in one piece. Dont have a clue how he ended up there.
They spend the night at mom's house and during the night there are a ton of explosions. So dad goes out in the morning to see about 5 747s crashed on the ground all around the house. But amazingly the car escaped! Wow!

Now I didnt read the book or see the original movie, so maybe they didnt make up any of this ridiculous movie.

At the end of the movie the father and daughter make it to Boston. The city seems to be in pretty good shape unlike the rest of... the fields of Massachusettes and New York state. The aliens spent hours destroying out in the fields, because those farmers with pitch forks are mighty threatening. But go to Boston and what do you find? Some buildings that have seen better days and a few abandoned cars (in New York City, they could barely make it through the streets for all the cars.) But in Boston, all those beautiful old houses are still just fine. Amazing!

In the end, it was very entertaining, which is what movies are supposed to do. Otherwise I wouldnt be writing this.

God the Fountain

2005-06-20T08:51:00.000-04:00

Jeremiah 2:13 says, "My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water."

Here is a quote about that passage from John Piper's book When I dont Desire God:
God pictures himself as a mountain spring of clean, cool, life-giving water. The way to glorify a fountain like this is to enjoy the water, and praise the water, and keep coming back to the water, and point other people to the water, and get strength for love from the water, and never, never, never prefer any drink in the world over the water. That makes the spring look valuable. This is how we glorify God the fountain of living water.

What do you think of that?

When I dont desire God

2005-06-15T08:49:00.000-04:00

I was at the book store the other day and I found a book with a perfect title for me. When I Dont Desire God, by John Piper. I picked it up immediately because I have found myself struggling with this for a while now. I had my days with the "new Christian" excitement about everything God, but I have lost that and have even found times when I dont have any desire to worship. Or maybe I just get confused by those that do worship. I found this book and bought it before I went to Banyan on Sunday night. At Banyan during worship, I wanted more than anything to leave and go home and cry before my God. But I stayed. After Banyan I went home and watched TV. I didnt deal with what God wanted me to. I fell asleep around midnight. At 1:20AM I woke up, wide awake. I stayed that way until 3:30AM. Then I woke up at 4:30AM, wide awake. By this time I got the hint, God saying "SPEND TIME WITH ME!"

Someone told me years ago that if they ever woke up during the night, they took it as God saying, spend time with me.

I spent time with God. I read more of the book I bought. Also, I am reading through the Bible. I started to skip Leviticus, but I am now reading it. It is real heady, but it is also really interesting. It is more amazing to me that we dont have to do all those sacrifices and follow all those clean and unclean rules anymore. I am extremely thankful for that.

So at 5AM on Monday morning, I was reminded again that God MUST come first in my life. Even before sleep.

Sneeze

2005-06-10T12:16:00.000-04:00

I hate allergies!

Saying Goodbye

2005-06-09T09:13:00.000-04:00

Saying goodbye is so hard sometimes. I had to say goodbye to 2 friends last night and I just didnt want to. If they had asked I would have hung out all night there, because I will miss them deeply. It is one thing to be friends with some one, but it is another to work on a common cause with 2 friends, trying to meet goals together. Somehow, that seems to make it harder for me. I will miss them, but i will miss working with them both too (though there were rough days of course ;-). Jared and Monica, love you both and I know that God will be with you and guide you and love on you!

Dogs

2005-06-08T09:06:00.000-04:00

I am house sitting for my brother and sister-in-law this week because they are at the beach. They have a dog, bonnie, a golden retriever. She is a great dog, doesnt bark or do a whole lot of disgusting dog type stuff either. She LOVES people food though, so everytime I am making anything she stands right beside me. I will say to her, "carpet, Bonnie" which means to go sit on the carpet for 3 seconds and then come back to my side, like a magnet.

Last night I am getting ready for bed and I notice that Bonnie is licking her paw like crazy, going to town biting it. I sat down on the floor and looked at her nasty wet paw, to see if I could find anything wrong with it. Nope. So I finished getting ready for bed. About a half hour later I was in bed and she was still licking her paw. Is this a normal thing for dogs? Dont know, never had one.

I start to worry, like do i need to take her to the vet in the morning, or now? I wasnt sure what to do, and since it was 11:30 at night, i didnt want to call my bro. I went on the internet to look up everything dog. Didnt really find anything helpful, except a page on home remedies, which suggests putting a sock over an inflammed paw. I think, ok maybe that is what is wrong?! So I found one of my bros socks and put it on her paw. As you can imagine... that didnt work. She just bit at the sock. I walked around the living room with her and get her excited so she will jump up and down, and she did not favoring her paw at all. So, not knowing what to do, I went to bed.

I got up this morning and her paw was dry. So I guess she stopped licking it. Is paw licking normal?

Loyalty

2005-06-07T09:52:00.000-04:00

Wow, someone just told me that they thought I was loyal. That was kind of hard to hear, because I feel like I am way too loyal sometimes. At least I am loyal to people, but what about to ideas and causes? I think I have put behind some of my loyalties to causes lately. I have found that some things/ideas that I have been loyal to for so long have become tainted. Now I am not so sure I want to be loyal anymore.

I have suddenly found some rebelliousness in me, which I actually think it is a healthy thing, because it will help me search and find the truth. Not percieved truth, which I have believed in for so long, but real truth.
What truth am I looking for? Well, the role of church in a person's life; what Christ centered relationships should look like; what is important in a body of Christ; what does God want church to look like; if every body of Christ is prone to fall and be ugly, why be a part of one. Now I have to say, that last one, I have come full circle on. I cant avoid things just because there is potential to be ugly and false. What I have learned is that whatever church I go to, I really want to know the leadership and understand how they work, what they want to accomplish, why, how are they going to get there and most importantly, the system of checks and balances and how that works. Knowing that they system could fail, because we are all, especially me, completely capable to botch the whole thing up.

Aids

2005-06-03T08:40:00.000-04:00

I havent blogged on here in so long, but I just read an article that makes me so mad. Aids is such a huge problem in Africa. People are dying at an unbelievable rate (though I dont know what that is.) I believe in Botswana it is that some where around 82% of males have Aids. How terrible that is. So I just read an article on the fact that the UN is losing the "war on aids". http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,158364,00.html Can I tell you why that is? One very huge reason is because the UN and the US are not willing to teach abstinance only to the people of Africa. There is no other way to stop this epidemic. I read an article the other day that most of the US funding that is going to Africa to stop Aids is not going to abstinance only, but to just plain old "safe sex" That really burns me. I also read that one of the groups out there teaching about "safe sex" is a company that sells condoms! Talk about conflict of interests. How can they do that? Can they REALLY, TRULY care?
What this really communicates to me, as well as the whole MTV starting a station in Africa, is the fact that we as a nation could really care less about Africa, except the commercial interests it offers. How can I be so cold and heartless towards people that need God? That need basic help? That need someone to tell them how to be free from a disease?

My Grandmother

2005-02-28T09:28:00.000-05:00

My grandmother lives at home with my parents. She used to live in an assisted living place, but moved home to save money. So my grandmother is not always sure about what is going on. She gets confused sometimes. On Friday night I stayed with her so my parents could go out. So here is what out evening looked like.

I got there and ate a little dinner. I asked my grandmother if she got enough to eat. She responded, no I did not go out. So later on she said that she was going to change. She went back to her room. About 10 minutes later, she came out of her room and asked me if I was good with buttons. I said yes, and went back to her room to help her hang some clothes up. She then said that she was cold and was looking for something warm to wear. I found her a jacket/sweater to put on which she thought was a good idea. So then she went over to her bed and sat down. She told me to sit down too so we could have some girl talk. She proceded to ask me about work, at which point I said, gramma, if we are going to have girl talk we have to talk about boys.

I asked her if she has seen any cute boys lately. She said yes at Harris Teeter and every time she sees him she thinks of me! I asked her how old he was and she said 36. I mentioned this to my mom later and she said there was not any 36 year old at the HT.

So then we went out to watch some tv. Gramma cant really catch what is going on. TV is never loud enough and people talk too fast for her to follow. A little while later, she said if you want anything to eat like ice cream or chips or popcorn to help myself. I said thank you gramma. Then about 15 minutes later she said, now if you want some popcorn help yourself. This is code for, I want popcorn. So I said, yes I want popcorn. And she said, ok I will take a small bowl too.

Unfortunately, I could not find any popcorn. My parents were out of it. So she didnt get any popcorn.

Perspectives Class

2005-02-22T08:30:00.000-05:00

I am taking this class called "Perspectives on the World Christian Movement." Which is a lot of words basically talking about God and how He brings about his mission on earth. It is very cool. I have learned so much in my class. Up to last night, we have been talking about how God's purpose on earth is to have His name glorified. He will do what He needs to do to bring glory to Himself. Of course this happens by people praising His name, by people coming to Christ, by people witnessing to the nations. Our purpose on earth, my purpose, is to glorify God.

So here comes my struggle. How can I best glorify His name? Where can I best glorify God's name? In what profession can I be about bringing God's kingdom on earth?

God has commanded us to go to the nations to witness of God to them. Now here in America, the nations have come to us. I was looking at a website the other day that said we have 420 different people groups in America. That is a lot!

So now we have moved into history. God has used different inventions in the past, like the printing press, to bring people to Him. If the printing press had not been invented by the time Luther had come about, and his works had not been published, then the Catholic church could have silenced him. With the invention of the computer, now any thing can be printed in Arabic, where it was next to impossible before.

God has blessed us with technology and knowledge, to use for 1 purpose alone. The advancing of His kingdom.

So here is God's lens: I am to be about His kingdom, using everything He has blessed me with.
If I look at every area of my life and put it through this lens, what will I find? I shutter to think...

Million Dollar Baby

2005-02-16T09:11:00.000-05:00

I got to thinking this morning about something. I read an article about the Oscar nominees. Within the article the writer mentioned that there were 2 movies about euthanasia. I saw one of them a few weeks ago, Million Dollar Baby. It was a great movie, great acting, great directing, everything you want in a movie really. Except the story has had me bothered now for several weeks. If you havent seen the movie then stop reading now because I will give away something about the movie. (Unless you don’t care.)

I don’t remember character names, but there is Clint Eastwood the trainer and Hilary Swank is the trainee. The movie started with her begging to be trained and Clint not wanting to have anything to do with her. Clint has a daughter that he writes to, but never hears from. He talks about mistakes in his past, so you have to assume that he did something to break the relationship with his daughter. So Clint makes this journey from having no one to love and feeling completely unlovable, to falling in love with Hilary as a father to a daughter, wanting to take care of her the rest of her life, completely devoted to her. Hilary also makes a journey. She goes from this ignorant wannabe, even ignorant about her family and their concern for her, to realizing the world is a cold hard place and she wants no part of it. The whole time she was fighting she went by a nickname that Clint Eastwood picked out for her. It was in a Gaelic, so she didn’t know the meaning. But every time she got in the ring and won, this name was chanted over her.

So in the biggest fight for her life, she gets injured and becomes paralyzed from her neck down. But actually that wasn’t the biggest fight for her life. Her true fight should have been being paralyzed and fighting to live. However, she asks Clint to kill her. He refuses at first, but then he gives in. Oh, how selfish of her!!!! He would have taken care of her. So, he comes in to kill her, but before he does, he reveals her nickname, "My Darling, My Daughter." Oh, how everything with in me wanted to screen out at that moment, "Don’t be so selfish. How can you be that way?" I wanted her so badly to say, "Wait, hold on, I want to live because you want me to live." But no, her selfishness would win the day and he killed her. So the movie ends with him sitting in a dinner somewhere in the south, alone, rejected, and one can only assume what he did soon after.

Maybe you have gotten the idea about what stirs me about this movie. It is the girl's selfishness. Who cares if her life was so aweful. Sure it was, but wasn’t being paralyzed in that bed really the biggest fight of her life? Shouldn’t her training have taken over at that time? She wasn’t any kind of fighter. Sure they portrayed her as fighting to die (she makes several attempts to kill herself), but that is the easy way. It is the fighting to live that is the hardest fight we all have. Fighting to not allow relationships to die with those around us. Fighting to live like Christ. We are in a battle. Hilary threw in the towel and gave up, without considering what those around her think at all.

New Blog

2005-02-15T17:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, so this is my new, new blog. I started a new blog site, but have since forgotten about it. I cant post directly to it from work, so I have to figure out how to email in. I also hated the old name. So I have been thinking of a new name and I thought of a great one!!! But I forgot it. So I thought of Madness because, basically my life is madness. I will get to that at another time. So all of you who read my blog, enjoy!!